Our little guy is ready to crawl, you can just see it on his face when we play on the floor. He gets up on his hands and knees and scoots across the floor, but doesn’t quite grasp the concept of moving those little legs yet. On top of that, now he’s figured out that he can navigate his walker, which translates to my DVD stand is being terrorized. And he loves to walk! He’ll demand to get down, holding our hands of course, and walk all over the house and investigate everything. He’s so ready to learn, and all I can think is “Are we really ready for this?”.
In just the last few days we’ve learned how smart he really is. He loves to open things to see whats inside, watches you speak when you read to him, and touches and feels everything. It’s absolutely amazing watching him furrow his little brow while he figures things out. I am so amazed that I made this smart little boy. He’s leaving the baby years behind quickly and I feel so unprepared. I was finally getting into a rhythm and finally getting comfortable being a mom, and then he’s got to go and grow up some more on me. I was so ready to be a mom, thought I was so prepared, but I never thought I’d feel so helpless. Watching him grow and learn makes my heart fill with pride and ache at the same time.
Now I understand why people always say “you’ll miss it when he’s that little”, when you are sitting there terrified out of your mind holding this helpless little newborn. I do miss it terribly. I miss snuggling up on the couch while he napped between feedings, expecting nothing to get done that day except relaxing with this little miracle. Now? My expectations are that my living room will be its own little disaster area, littered in toys and books. I expect to get caught up in playing with him and his daddy, and wind up making dinner terribly late. I hope to cherish all of these little moments, even the terribly frustrating ones, because these last 9 months have flown by.
I remember vividly the day the nurse put his car seat in the truck, and I sat next to him on our way home. I was so scared. We went through hell for 19 days, not once stopping to think about the logistics of when he finally come home. I was so scared. How did they know we would be fit parents? What if his oxygen dropped and we didn’t realize it? Are we really ready for this? I’m not sure anyone can be, but we’re trying our best. That’s all you can do.