I originally posted something similar to this on my Facebook on the eve of Thanksgiving. But it still very much applies tonight. So here you are:
So we’ve been struggling with sleep issues again the last few days. Not sure what is going on, but he’s waking up 2-3 times a night screaming and struggles to settle down even with me in the room. He wraps his little arms and little legs around me and just listens to my heart to calm down. Before I know it I’m sitting in the rocking chair listening to his little snores, still with his arms and legs wrapped around me wondering how long I have to sit here and rock before I can put him down.
Tonight it dawned on me just how impatient I have been with him. Both because I’m tired and because he’s miserable, and I just don’t know what to do. I sat in the chair again tonight, rocking him back to sleep and just couldn’t help but cry a little. Maybe it’s the spirit of Christmas, or maybe it’s just several days in a row of not sleeping. But I remembered his first 19 days of life and wondering if they’d ever let us bring him home. I remembered how this time last year is when his skin flared up for the first time and we didn’t know what to do. I remembered all the little medicine syringes next to the sink, freshly washed for the Zyrtec and Benadryl, Motrin or Tylenol we’ll have to give him tomorrow. This little guy has made such a difference in this home, and sometimes I forget to just let that sink in.
My biggest blessing on this earth is this little boy and his daddy. Tonight I rocked him just a little longer than normal. I didn’t let it bother me that he kicked and screamed and cried waiting for the meds to kick in. I didn’t let it bother me that he wrapped every ounce of his body around me so that I wouldn’t sneak out. I relished in the quiet darkness of his room, just the fan and his little snore for noise. I relished in his little arms wrapped as wide as they could go around me.
I’m making a very special promise to you tonight T. Tomorrow will be better little guy, for tonight mommy remembered just how lucky she is to have you.
A goodnight to all, and to all a goodnight. Merry Christmas.