A long time before T was even conceived, I dreamed about being a mother. I just always knew I wanted to be a mom surrounded by a houseful of kids. Did I have any idea it would be this tough? Absolutely not. But I don’t think anyone does. We all go into it dreaming of 10 little fingers and 10 little toes. Nothing really prepares you for teething, timeouts, and the amount of baby proofing you really have to do. Everyone tells you how after awhile you forget all the pain of pregnancy and labor and you’ll want to do it all over again. I don’t think that’s actually true. Not for me anyway. Continue reading
My son spent 19 days in the NICU. 19 long days. 19 days I can barely remember now. I remember the emotions clear as day, but I’m quickly forgetting how I felt like it would never end. They’d tell us they had to increase his oxygen again and I’d just sit and wonder if we’d ever leave. My son recently passed 19 weeks, and I’m amazed. Where did all of those weeks go? It seems like yesterday I was walking through those doors terrified of screwing up this innocent life. Continue reading
Today was the day of his dreaded 4 month checkup. This is the first time the doctor has seen him since he first prescribed antibiotics to help fight a skin infection developed from the Eczema. So the checkup consisted of all the normal chatter. We talked more about our little guys skin. It has improved, but is still in pretty rough condition. We’ve recently found that the Aveeno Baby Daily Moisturizer is actually working much better than the Aveeno Baby Eczema Therapy even did. So we’re already applying the lotion 3-4 times a day on top of nightly baths. And now we’re trying a topical antibiotic instead of the oral. Hoping it heals the spots left that are really bad.
Lately I’ve been thinking back to when I first saw my son. I met him twice before I really met him. Let me explain. My son was first introduced to me as they were rushing him to the NICU and they were putting me under, I don’t remember it at all. Luckily my husband was able to snap a couple of pictures when it happened. After they put me all back together, they wheeled the gurney into the NICU for me to see him. I was still coming off of the anesthesia and barely remember this. I do remember them trying to fit the gurney between all those precious boxes caring for little babies, but I don’t really remember seeing my son.
When you are at the end of your pregnancy you are focused on one thing only, bringing your baby home. You organize, you clean, and you daydream of being discharged and what it will feel like to bring that bundle of joy home. I imagined that scenario more times than I can count. What I didn’t imagine was being discharged without him. We went up for our last feeding before we would fill out the discharge paperwork and I couldn’t help but to cry. The nurses kept offering what they call “mom’s place”. It’s a room on the NICU floor that allows you to stay close to your little one. The problem is that it is typically only if your baby is only going to be another day or two. When I was discharged they had no idea when he’d go home, so what is the point of delaying the inevitable? Continue reading
One thing I can say for sure is that I learned a lot of new things during our sons stay in the NICU. I’m not a medical person by any means. I could never be a nurse as needles freak me out. But I quickly found myself saying things like “How often did he desat last night?”, “When will they move him to a nasal cannula instead of the hood?”, “Were his glucose levels steady yesterday?”, “Are they increasing his IV infusion to D20?”. I was following the conversations during rounds when it came to his oxygen saturation and if they would increase or decrease the amount of oxygen or glucose they were giving to him that day. I found it hard when I was talking to people outside of our family, to not use words like desat and saturation, because i was using it so much during the day when talking to the hospital staff. The look on people’s faces when they want to understand why you are upset, but they don’t understand the words you just said, is kind of comical in a not really kind of way. Continue reading
My husband and I are sincerely lucky in that we are surrounded by family and friends that love and support us. I think this is something often taken for granted and not entirely realized until times of struggle. So when we announced that our much awaited son was in the NICU we had an outpouring of support. Continue reading